(So, are you sick of my inspirational quotes yet? 😜)
I have to hold my hands up here.
I am not good with change.
I am a creature of habit and routine.
A fuzzy little caterpillar, munching away daily… Every day the same.
I frequently complain that my life is dull and unadventurous, but the honest truth is that it is that way, mostly, because I don’t like change.
I believe the reason for this reluctance to accept change stems from fact that I had to cope with some truly life-disrupting changes from my early twenties. From the deaths of close family members to very serious personal health issues, for many years I felt that I was flailing from one catastrophe to another. I would have just about begun to deal with one experience when, slam! I was hit by the next one.
Being able to predict, or have a sense of control over my life, became very important to me. If awful, disastrous things could just happen to me or my loved ones, how could this world be a safe place?
Why takes risks when life was risky enough already?
Why tempt fate?
Why invite pain and chaos into my life again?
Recently my life has once again served me up some unwelcome changes.
My comfortable, if ever so slightly dull, routine had been shattered. My initial reaction to this was, and take note in no way am I exaggerating here… FURY!
I felt completely overwhelmed. Completely isolated. Completely out of control of my own life.
My head was reeling, trying to keep up with things happening around me. I was totally exhausted all the time. I was in danger of becoming ill.
I stopped to think…
What if this change is not entirely bad? What if I stick with it? See it through? Endure it?
What if it all works out in the end? How about adopting the all famous PMA?
Over this last past weekend things have finally started to settle down again. Or rather, I finally accepted the changes that have happened and learned new habits and routines. Let me tell you, it’s not too bad!
I have found that simply letting go, accepting the changes, has actually worked. I might not have chosen this new routine, but I am finding that each day I wish for my old life back a little less than before.
I think my reluctance to change, to be honest, my fear of it, was perhaps holding me back.
Perhaps this new occurrence in my life, which happened completely outside of my control, has a positive message for me?
The question now is, will I be able to learn from this life experience?
Will I be more willing to take chances? To risk failure or pain or disappointment?
My honest answer is, I do not have a clue.
I truly hope this has been a growing experience for me. That this 41 year old can actually learn new tricks.
I cannot promise to become a butterfly, but I will remain open to possibility.
ps How are you with change? Do you welcome it or run from it? I do love getting your feedback!