Shop Assistants and Me… Part III


Honestly, my local branch employs some very odd and peculiar folk.

There is the giant older gentleman with the deep bass Barry White voice, who towers over customers and insists on teaching us how to use the self-service checkout every single time, talking us through steps we already know as if we are children, or maybe he sees us as just plain feebleminded.

Next is the relentlessly happy and very loud Nigerian lady who laughs vociferously throughout the entire checkout experience, shouting comments to co-workers and other shoppers as she scans customers’ items.

Memorably, there is one checkout girl in my local Tesco that, how do I put this, rocks a very, and I mean very, butch vibe. Seriously, she could make Russell Crowe appear girly.  Now, we have all enjoyed the 25% back offer if you buy 6 bottles of wine or more, yes? I use it as an opportunity to stock up on my favourites. So what that it was 11.30am and I was buying multiple bottles of Cab Sav?

One morning, as my collection of wine was being scanned through, she looked up at me, all Princess Diana seductive doe-eyes, winked, cocked her decidedly unplucked eyebrow, grinned and said, “You’re going for it tonight then?”

I mumbled something about it not all being for one go and she continued, “I can do a bottle and a half myself, and that’s me gone!”, and other wink.  As they say in the best tabloids, I made my excuses and left.

However the winner for today’s post is The Very Strange Woman, as my OH and I have christened her.

She sits.

Slouched… emitting a menacing air.

Face like thunder.

Staring you down as you place your shopping on the conveyor belt.

No word of greeting will emerge from her lips.

Then it begins…

As she scans, she inspects every single item as if she has never before encountered such a wondrous thing.

As a chimpanzee inspects new food or tools, she manipulates each purchase with slack-jawed wonder. Then, when she has decided she has sufficiently assimilated this new information, she offers you your purchase, by hand no less, and moves on to the next fascinating item.

Needless to say, after a few visits, we now avoid her checkout, but we do enjoy watching other unsuspecting shoppers fall foul of her scrutiny…

I will return with more tales of my odd encounters in shops, stay tuned!



(I do have one more tale, which I will reserve for a post of its own, involving a tarantula… stay tuned!)


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