Yeah, I’m opening with a sigh.
I chatted with a friend this morning, who asked me what my plans for the day were. It made me realise that I have no plans at all. In fact, I can’t remember the last time I did have a plan for my day.
I used to be a highly motivated creature.
Each day I would bounce out of bed, ready for the world and all that it could throw at me. Yes, I was that annoyingly chipper person first thing. From the moment I opened my eyes, I was ON.
I would do a daily workout, shower and eat. Then I would either tackle housework or walk into town to get supplies for whatever meal that I had planned for that night. I baked fresh bread every single day and always cooked from scratch.
Lately, well no, that is a lie… for a long time now, I find that I struggle to get out of bed. I cannot recall my last workout. I rarely walk into town anymore, instead I text a list of things we need to the OH to pick up on his way home.
I, hanging my head in shame, no longer bake bread. We eat shop bought wholemeal bread from the bakery section. I do still manage housework… but let us just say the Domestic Goddess title is ever so slightly disingenuous these days.
I truly want to be that other woman again.
Energetic, driven, focused, motivated.
The real killer is this…
I know what the problem is.
I know how to fix it.
But I simply… don’t.
What sort of a moron knows how to make herself feel better, happier, yet still does nothing to make it happen? Oh hang on… yeah that’d be this moron, the one sitting at her kitchen table typing right now.
Will I ever find the will to face my issue and actually deal with it?
I hope so.
I will try.
Perhaps writing this, sharing this, is my first step?
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