This sums me up.
I have an insanely self-destructive nature. Always have had, for as long as I can remember.
I self-sabotage, self-harm, repeat mistakes whilst fully aware that I am doing so. I drive myself, (and people who care about me), crazy.
I have one massively self-destructive habit in particular that I simply cannot seem to shake off.
My Dark Demon.
I am aware of it; actually, it takes up far too much space in my head every waking, (and frequently dreaming), moment.
I know I need to stop it. I need to confront it and deal with it.
It is detrimental to my health and well-being, emotionally, psychologically and physically.
I have tried to fix this on my own with zero success but I am loath to seek any help from outside.
Why? I do not know.
I tend to think I am a strong person with most aspects of life. I have overcome more than my fair share of adversity and survived.
I generally have this attitude to life:
But this one thing lingers.
Sits on my shoulders and weighs me down.
I feel unable to find that power within myself. It feels impossible. Hopeless.
I know this week is not the week I will conquer this demon, but I truly hope I’ll get there… sooner rather than later.
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Writing this was meant to help me focus and work this out. Seems I have failed at that too!