Word for Wednesday (W4W) #47


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My final W4W of 2015!

I want to say a quick, but very sincere thank you to everyone who has joined in my little meme – whether you’ve been a regular contributor or an occasional one, I am delighted you shared with me! I hope you will continue to link to W4W next year.

This week’s word is…



We are at that time of year where many people’s thoughts wander to resolutions to be better people, eat less, drink less, smoke less, detox, exercise… sigh.

I have blogged before about the days when I exercised epic, heroic feats of self control and discipline regarding my diet and lifestyle and how I eventually took it to an extreme that was no longer healthy.

These days I have done a 180° and have been eating and drinking as if the world was about to end tomorrow. Exercise? Huh? What’s that now? Does lifting the wine glass or switching the remote count? Can sneezing count as cardio?

My capacity for self control seems to have left the building and I have become a complete hedonist.

Food tastes so good and that feeling of a full tummy is so satisfying. Wine tastes so good and that delicious buzz after a few glasses is such fun. Touch, massage, sex, orgasms… well come on! These are the things that make life worth living!

However, I know deep in my heart that I must have a change of attitude. My clothes are too tight, my energy is low, my sleep pattern wrecked. I think I have lost balance and my hedonistic ways, whilst they brought me enormous pleasure, have had a negative impact on my life.

My plan is thus: I will continue my naughty, self indulgent celebration of excess for a few more days and, once 2016 is with us, I will endeavour to turn over a new leaf.

My challenge is to strive for a balance this time. Monday to Friday I shall do my utmost to be “good” – I will eat well, drink less and move more. The weekends will be my designated hedonistic fun times.

Sounds so reasonable, yes? Sounds so simple…

Sounds simple… but remember, simple and easy are not the same things!

Let’s see how I go, right?



I wish you all a very Happy New Year and I truly hope 2016 brings you all only good health, good fortune and good times. 

Copyright, 2015, k1kat.com

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Word For Wednesday (W4W) #46


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This week’s word is…


Today is December 23rd, AKA Festivus, the Christmas for the rest of us.

*Originally a family tradition of scriptwriter Dan O’Keefe, who worked on the American sitcom Seinfeld, Festivus entered popular culture after it was made the focus of the 1997 episode “The Strike”.[1][2] The holiday’s celebration, as it was shown on Seinfeld, includes a Festivus dinner, an unadorned aluminum Festivus pole, practices such as the “Airing of Grievances” and “Feats of Strength”, and the labeling of easily explainable events as “Festivus miracles”.[3]

As a non-believer and a person who despairs at the way a supposedly religious celebration has become a vulgar commercial farce, I am not celebrating Xmas. There are no decorations in my house, no tree, no cards on display. I have bought and delivered gifts to the people I love who do celebrate the day – I am not that mean!

But I do love the idea behind Festivus, don’t you? It is so much more honest! Any Xmas gathering I can remember comprised of either a full blown, (usually alcohol fuelled), row or that simmering, resentful tension that is generated by spending time in close, confined conditions with people you do not choose to spend time with during the rest of the year. At least with Festivus you get to enjoy the “Airing of Grievances”!

If you  are someone who celebrates the day I wish you a Merry Xmas and only good things in 2016.

If you are one of “the rest of us”, I bid you a most excellent Festivus!

Here, have a giggle on me!

*Thanks Wiki!



Copyright, 2015, k1kat.com

All rights reserved.


Seems that others really do understand…

I think the line “The comfort of the acceptable lie” is so true on different levels.

Yes, it is more comfortable for me to lie and say I have flu, but perhaps more importantly, I think other people would feel much more comfortable hearing that than, “I can’t come because my depression/anxiety has flared up”.

I recall reading a statistic that said in Ireland the vast majority of people would rather NOT know a friend or loved one had a mental illness. Shocking, but it perhaps speaks to people’s fear and ignorance of the issue still, even in this day and age.

Thank you Keigh.

The Diligent Dilettante

Today’s inspiration comes from KittyKat, who contemplates faking illness to avoid an unpleasant family gathering, then wonders why she doesn’t use depression, a genuine illness, as a justifiable excuse.

The comfort of the acceptable lie
Smothers truth in the vacuum of our uncertainty

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The Old Black Dog


My friend Busty, (we haven’t known each other very long at all, but, given the support and kindness she has offered me, I think I can safely call her a friend), pinned this link on Pinterest and I found it this morning. It really does explain depression very well; how it impacts our lives on all levels – the psychological, mental, social and physical.

I have been struggling on and off for a while now, finding I am having more bad days than good, although on the good days I do feel genuinely happy and okay. But the bad days… when that bastard Black Dog comes and sits with me… I hate those days.

I have noticed several of my online friends are also having a difficult time. I know some of the reasons behind this, but I wonder if the season we are in is a factor too. I know I really did feel a dip in my mood as the light changed and the evenings seemed to arrive earlier and earlier.

Without my realising it, it was that time of year where everyone was talking about Xmas and I hadn’t even noticed it creep up on me. I do not have children, (discounting the OH and dogs of course), and I do not have any religious faith, so for me December 25th really is just another day. I resent feeling that I must “join in” in what, to me, is a man-made, socially constructed consumerist farce.

I am off to visit my family on Saturday and that brings with it its very own tailored-made gift of stress and anxiety. If it wasn’t for my nieces and nephews whom I adore, I can honestly say I would fake illness to avoid it. (Funny how I don’t feel able to use my depression/anxiety, which is a genuine illness, as a valid excuse!)

I won’t go into the reasons I find this visit stressful. God forbid they find this blog and read them! (Ha! Another gloriously Irish family trait… the horror of actually having a frank conversation about how our families make us feel!)

After spending yesterday in a heap on the sofa, watching hours of crappy TV, finally dragging myself into the shower at 4.30pm, this morning I forced myself to eat and shower and I sit writing now at 10am, make up on, hair done. I have a hair appointment this afternoon to cover the dreaded roots, (again, must keep up appearances right?). In all honesty, it’d be so easy to cancel it and lie on the sofa again but I MUST do this.

It’s the little things, the small acts of self-care that count and add up. The idea of sitting in front of a mirror for an hour and a half leaves me feeling nauseous, having to look at my chubby face, eye circles and lines. But I tell myself that the result, shiny, glossy fresh hair, will lift me. I don’t know if it will… but I hope it does. At least I won’t have to face them all with grey roots as well as a frame wider than the last time they saw me.

So, today I am going to try. I really, really do not feel like it, but it is necessary.

If you are struggling, I hope you can make yourself do one small nice thing for yourself today. One act of self-care.

If you know someone who is struggling, please don’t pressure them, just be there.

That is all you need to do, just be there.

With love,


 Copyright, 2015, k1kat.com

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Word For Wednesday (W4W) #45


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This week’s word is…


I used to be very nervous about going to the dentist. I think it was because, as a child I had some very bad habits – drinking undiluted Ribena, eating jam straight from the jar with a spoon – and needed more fillings than the average kid. Add to this the fact that my dentist was an older gentleman with massive gold teeth and the hairiest nostrils known to humankind, who, while administering the anaesthetic injection, pretended to inject and numb his own finger EVERY SINGLE TIME, and it starts to piece together maybe.

As a result, once I was no longer under the care of my parents I made a point of only seeing a dentist if I was in agony. This, of course, was a very silly strategy because, as we all know, prevention really is better than cure.

Fast forward to about 10 years ago when my dentist informed me that I needed a root canal, which had to be done over the course of three hours, followed by the fitting of a crown, all carried out by a specialist that had to be brought in to my local surgery. I was not best pleased. She told me the only alternative was to lose the tooth, which basically sealed the deal.

The OH knew I was nervous, (read terrified), and bought me my first iPod, loaded with all my favourite music to distract me during the procedure. Surprising myself more than anyone, I sailed through it! I found the experience strangely calming, settling, tranquil.

The specialist told me afterwards that she had never in her career had a patient remain so still and calm during a root canal. I seemed to have turned a corner!

A few years ago I was told that my wisdom tooth would have to be removed. It was growing at such an angle that meant the surgery to remove it carried a real risk of permanent facial paralysis. Once again, you can imagine I was less than happy to hear this. Armed again with my iPod, off to another specialist I trotted. The worst part of the procedure was how much he had to stretch my jaw to get at the offending tooth, he split my lip and left me looking as if I had gone a round with Mike Tyson. But even the squeal of the drill didn’t bother me this time. I didn’t even use the iPod. And my face moves as much as it ever did!

I had a dental checkup appointment this morning, (yes, I am a good girl these days and go regularly), as well as a routine scale and polish. My dentist these days is a lovely, motherly lady who calls me “pet” and “good girl” rather than use my name. I think she is a delight! She entertains me with a constant stream of consciousness as she works on me, fully aware I cannot reply as she has wedged my mouth wide open with a strange plastic and latex implement. She seems happy with an occasional eyebrow raise as acknowledgment or agreement.

I actually enjoy going to the dentist now as I always receive praise from her on my oral hygiene and health. I really, like… really, enjoy the sensations of her poking my gums with that sharp doodah she uses to check gum health, and as for the sting of the scraper thing she uses… oh man! It is divine!

As I write now I wonder if the fact I am a masochist submissive has had any bearing on my change of perception? I enjoy the semi painful treatment, I tingle at the sounds of drills and jets, I delight in being told I am a “good girl” or being called “pet”…

Could it be that rather than being a dentophobe I am in fact a dentophile?

Am I Bill Murray in Little Shop Of Horrors?


Am I a freak?



Copyright, 2015, illicitthoughts.wordpress.com

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Life Lessons

My friend sent me this poem the other day and told me that I am a “lifetime person” in her life. It made me very happy to know this.


While I can’t say I think it is very well written, I really like the ideas behind this poem.

It reflects how I feel about the various people who have entered and left my life.

I do believe everyone I encounter comes into my life to teach me something. It is not always an easy lesson; I have allowed people inside to see the real me and have been terribly hurt when they left, but once the pain fades I realise that the experience was valuable.

Everyday is a classroom, every person you meet is a teacher.

Every experience, no matter if it is joyful, painful or upsetting, is an opportunity to grow and develop.

I am happy to tell my friend that she is a “lifetime person” too!

What about you? Do you agree with this poem? Do you have some “lifetime people” in your life?



Copyright, 2015, k1kat.com

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