Warning! This post contains a very large and potentially nauseating dose of positivity and hope… proceed with caution!
I wrote and shared my post Turning Point yesterday with more than a little trepidation.
My fear was that people would think I was exaggerating, making it all up, or just plain crazy.
To say I have been blown away by the support and kindness shown to me in response to the post, both on here and twitter, is an understatement. I want to say a sincere and heartfelt thank you to everyone who commented and affirmed that I had handled the situation well and with strength and courage.
Last night I had perhaps two hours of broken sleep at best and was very tired this morning. I was tempted to stay home, but instead I left the bed at 7.30, ate a good breakfast, chatted to friends and got ready to go out.
I walked into town, enjoying the breeze on my skin.
I managed to get the bones of a new piece of flash fiction formed in my head, as well as a few ideas for a card I want to make for the OH and my anniversary later this month. I smiled at a gorgeous Labrador who was carrying today’s edition of The Daily Mirror in his mouth for his owner. I treated myself to some new pens for crafting and colouring. I popped into the doctor’s office to change my prescription for a new antibiotic, (the one I was on was ripping my tummy apart Aliens-style). I bought some salad and fresh bread and, as I walked home, I inhaled the fresh green scent of the hedges on the side of my road being trimmed by a tractor, (which surprisingly did not trigger my hay fever). As I walked up my driveway I caught sight of the two little fluffy white heads of my furry daughters perched looking eagerly out the lounge window and it made me laugh. They really do resemble two little ghosts.
I came, drank some ice-cold water, cuddled them and decided to write this.
All very mundane and not making for riveting reading, but you know what?
I feel good!
I am not thinking about my body, my size, my appearance, how much I don’t measure up.
I enjoyed the very tiny, simple things that we all to often miss. I used my imagination. I smiled at people. I enjoyed the physicality of walking and carrying home groceries.
I am so very ready to feel different.
I deserve to feel better.
I deserve to feel happy.
I deserve to take care of myself and treat myself with care.
I deserve to remind myself that I am a kind, caring, smart, funny, good and strong person.
I am more than my appearance.
I am more than my past experiences and traumas.
I am more than the mistakes I have made.
I know there will be dips but if determination alone can get me to where I want and need to be then I am feeling hopeful.
If you see me slipping remind me ok?
And once again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you all.
Copyright, 2016, k1kat.com
All rights reserved.