Dry Spell

Readers, I am frustrated…

I have neglected my blogs for too long, for different reasons.

I have had a very challenging year or two, and it has most definitely impacted on my ability to get my thoughts straight in my mind, never mind getting them down in any coherent form that comes close to anything I would subject my followers to. (FYI: there is absolutely no guarantee that todays post will be any better, but my frustration and need to connect once again has overridden my internal quality control monitor.)

Health issues, both physical and mental, have plagued me and at several times have beaten me down to a point where some days getting dressed or showered has been a triumph. I am trying some new approaches which I hope will help me feel better and, fighting my realistic/fatalistic streak every day, I remind myself of the rewards to be gained from the changes, rather than dwell on how difficult they are to carry out. I have even, my lovely readers, made a chart that is stuck on my fridge! How very “self helpy” can you get?!

There have been days of wonderful positivity where I have wanted nothing more than to open my MacBook and write about all the good things I have in my life – a husband who is also my best friend, who knows all my darkest, ugliest secrets and loves me anyway, who makes me laugh til I cry, two beautiful dogs that bring me so much joy, a secure home to live in, enough money to always go to the ATM and not feel anxious, a garden built by myself and the OH which is peaceful and soul enriching to sit in… but I have not done so for fear of almost cursing my good fortune.

As for my fiction blog and my amateur photography, well, I have simply been feeling about as inspired as a used teabag. Walking used to be my therapy; ideas would come to me as I wandered through town, watching people and places, but I haven’t been out of the house much at all for quite a while, again for several reasons. Part of my new approach is to change this but it is proving more challenging than I thought it would be.

I read writing memes such as #Wicked Wednesday and #Kink of the Week but am left empty and frustrated at my complete writers block. I have entered the wonderful #Sinful Sunday, but only for the prompt weeks as I find right now I really need a push to produce anything.

Given my physical and mental health, I must admit that feeling sexy or sexual has been totally at the bottom of my list for a while now, which given that I am supposedly, (or at least, I once was), a sex blogger, is unhelpful to say the least.

I know it is a long process – lord, I have lived through 40-odd years of the fucking process. It is such a challenge to not get exhausted by it, by the fact that it never seems to have an end date in sight. They, whoever they are, say it’s not the destination that matters but the journey… easy to say when there is a sense that there is any realistic sense of ever reaching the destination, or when the journey is not constantly interrupted by obstacles and diversions. The OH, who I love more than anything, also has more than his fair share of stress and worry and believe me the only thing worse than one depressive is putting two together! He too had a run of bad luck healthwise this past year which has added to the stress and sense of fatigue.

I am hoping that by getting these, not so coherent, thoughts down today it will spur me on to return to writing.

I have found that blogging can be a two faced beast: recording how I feel can result in me reinforcing those feelings, and this is where the risk lies, depending on whether the feelings are positive or self-destructive.

Today I am feeling… ok. I have taken to playing positive music very loudly and it does help, although I am not sure the neighbours would agree.

Today is Friday and the weekend lies ahead and we plan on some serious rest time but I am hoping we will also get out walking, maybe even with my camera, maybe even lunch out.

As for writing… well, I will continue to look at prompts and memes and just hope that my voice comes back to me, (and as a certain quite dreadful writer puts it, “my inner goddess” finds her “salsa moves” again).

I feel a bit of a half person without her.


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23 thoughts on “Dry Spell

  1. I sometimes go for days without being inspired to write in my blog and the reasons vary but having writer’s block – something I’m all too familiar with – is still a pain in the butt and more so when you know you need to write, might have stuff running around in your head that you can write about, and nothing comes out. The good thing is it’ll pass; the “bad” part is you never really know how long it’s gonna last.

  2. I say fuck the neighbours. Listen to cheerful music if it helps you. (My neighbours must hear our bedroom antics more often than not. It won’t stop me from doing the one thing that feels good and helps me)
    Fuck the image of ‘sexy’ blogger. I’ll take you as you are, raw, honest and at times down and gloomy (was going to write snotty, ’cause that’s how I’ve been feeling today! Hope it made you spurt out your coffe), at other times cheerful and mischievous, pixie-like.
    You’re YOU, you have this awful person to share with us, as much or as little as you feel like. It doesn’t matter. We’re still here!
    And if you need to just throw words on a screen to let them out and manage to crystallise them into proper thoughts and overcome the dull… then just do that. Who cares about quality standards but you? Ok, some followers might. I only care about you being honest and helping yourself.
    Sending much love and hugs.

  3. Maybe it’s in the stars, or the weather, but this is the first time back for me in over two months, and very much the same set of circumstances…neither the music or the words are flowing right now but we barely dodged Irma with no losses or property damage (on top of everything else). Keeping in touch with my gratitude has not been easy, but it is there nonetheless.
    You are not alone.
    Chazz Vincent

  4. Sorry to hear you’re under the weather, Kiddo. Good news is that this stuff is generally cyclical so you’ll soon be due for good times. I’m pretty sure you’ve more than enough spunk to tough it through the hard days and get back to full speed. Lean on your dogs. No, I don’t mean literally as that would squash them even though you are uber petite. I mean, look at their little faces – if they can be happy so much surely there’s some good to leverage to cheer you up, too! Max sends a Maltese salute and scratch behind your ears.

    • Haha! Thank you Max!
      You are right, I’ll wait for my mojo to return, hopefully with a vengeance. And meanwhile I’ll try not to squish the doggos… it’s usually the other way round here anyway.
      I really appreciate your words friend xx

  5. Maybe you and I can make our comebacks together??? 🙂 Regardless, you know I’m always here for you. And I know what missing that dreadful ‘inner goddess’ is like… let’s give her another name, shall we?! 😉

    • I have sooooooooo much reading to catch up on I think I need to block out a few weeks. I’ve not caught up with Aunty Gloria and Edmund in so long. I must have several cups of tea and settle down with your blog very soon. I’ve missed reading your work and am looking forward to enjoying it again. Your amazing writing will be sure to inspire me (or totally intimidate me, haha!)
      Lovely to connect with you again Lynn xx

      • Ah, nice to hear from you sweety. Lovely to see you back here. All will be here waiting for you whenever you’re ready, take your time. Al best wishes to you X

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