Dry Spell


Readers, I am frustrated…

I have neglected my blogs for too long, for different reasons.

I have had a very challenging year or two, and it has most definitely impacted on my ability to get my thoughts straight in my mind, never mind getting them down in any coherent form that comes close to anything I would subject my followers to. (FYI: there is absolutely no guarantee that todays post will be any better, but my frustration and need to connect once again has overridden my internal quality control monitor.)

Health issues, both physical and mental, have plagued me and at several times have beaten me down to a point where some days getting dressed or showered has been a triumph. I am trying some new approaches which I hope will help me feel better and, fighting my realistic/fatalistic streak every day, I remind myself of the rewards to be gained from the changes, rather than dwell on how difficult they are to carry out. I have even, my lovely readers, made a chart that is stuck on my fridge! How very “self helpy” can you get?!

There have been days of wonderful positivity where I have wanted nothing more than to open my MacBook and write about all the good things I have in my life – a husband who is also my best friend, who knows all my darkest, ugliest secrets and loves me anyway, who makes me laugh til I cry, two beautiful dogs that bring me so much joy, a secure home to live in, enough money to always go to the ATM and not feel anxious, a garden built by myself and the OH which is peaceful and soul enriching to sit in… but I have not done so for fear of almost cursing my good fortune.

As for my fiction blog and my amateur photography, well, I have simply been feeling about as inspired as a used teabag. Walking used to be my therapy; ideas would come to me as I wandered through town, watching people and places, but I haven’t been out of the house much at all for quite a while, again for several reasons. Part of my new approach is to change this but it is proving more challenging than I thought it would be.

I read writing memes such as #Wicked Wednesday and #Kink of the Week but am left empty and frustrated at my complete writers block. I have entered the wonderful #Sinful Sunday, but only for the prompt weeks as I find right now I really need a push to produce anything.

Given my physical and mental health, I must admit that feeling sexy or sexual has been totally at the bottom of my list for a while now, which given that I am supposedly, (or at least, I once was), a sex blogger, is unhelpful to say the least.

I know it is a long process – lord, I have lived through 40-odd years of the fucking process. It is such a challenge to not get exhausted by it, by the fact that it never seems to have an end date in sight. They, whoever they are, say it’s not the destination that matters but the journey… easy to say when there is a sense that there is any realistic sense of ever reaching the destination, or when the journey is not constantly interrupted by obstacles and diversions. The OH, who I love more than anything, also has more than his fair share of stress and worry and believe me the only thing worse than one depressive is putting two together! He too had a run of bad luck healthwise this past year which has added to the stress and sense of fatigue.

I am hoping that by getting these, not so coherent, thoughts down today it will spur me on to return to writing.

I have found that blogging can be a two faced beast: recording how I feel can result in me reinforcing those feelings, and this is where the risk lies, depending on whether the feelings are positive or self-destructive.

Today I am feeling… ok. I have taken to playing positive music very loudly and it does help, although I am not sure the neighbours would agree.

Today is Friday and the weekend lies ahead and we plan on some serious rest time but I am hoping we will also get out walking, maybe even with my camera, maybe even lunch out.

As for writing… well, I will continue to look at prompts and memes and just hope that my voice comes back to me, (and as a certain quite dreadful writer puts it, “my inner goddess” finds her “salsa moves” again).

I feel a bit of a half person without her.

💋

Copyright, 2017, k1kat.com

All rights reserved.

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Kat’s Eye #102 – Kitchen Sink Haiku


Last night, as happens every night, my two terrifyingly fierce hounds of hell alerted me to the OH’s return from work as he parked in our driveway. I noticed then everything went eerily quiet and that he was taking an extraordinarily long time to open the front door. Starting to get just ever so slightly freaked out, I unlocked the door and peeped out and there he was, key in hand, carefully holding in his other hand a huge, stunning rose from our front garden. The scent hit me immediately. He had taken so long because he had wrestled the bloom away from its very thorny bush without the aid of clippers in order to surprise me. Because it was getting late I popped it into a bottle and left it by the kitchen sink.

I noticed this morning, as I stood once again at my kitchen sink, how powerful the perfume was, and was reminded of a line from one of my favourite poems, which has also featured as a Kat’s Eye. I felt quite the opposite of what Kavanagh wrote though; rather than “wallow in the… banal”, I was struck by the contrast between the prosaicness of my sink, sponge and Fairy liquid, (other brands are available…),  and the glorious natural artistry of the rose that sat next to it. If anything, my very ordinary, domestic setting highlighted the glory of the flower, its delicacy, its scent; its utter beauty.

So, I scribbled a hurried, and not very good haiku, and captured it for memories sake…

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To repeat a very old idiom – sometimes it really is good to stop and smell the roses!

💋

Copyright, 2017, k1kat.com

All rights reserved.

 

Kat’s Eye #100 – Blood, Sweat and Giggles


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I bought the OH a greenhouse for his birthday.

I had no idea the effort that would be required to actually build the damn thing! But we built it and the best part was that we didn’t exchange a cross word during the three days it took. In fact we laughed more than I could ever have imagined we would. Seems after 26 years we have finally worked out how to work alongside each other on a DIY project in harmony.

I wanted to leave a visual memory of our hard work… hence my garden graffiti.

Oh and here is the result…

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💋

Copyright, 2017, k1kat.com

All rights reserved.