Dry Spell


Readers, I am frustrated…

I have neglected my blogs for too long, for different reasons.

I have had a very challenging year or two, and it has most definitely impacted on my ability to get my thoughts straight in my mind, never mind getting them down in any coherent form that comes close to anything I would subject my followers to. (FYI: there is absolutely no guarantee that todays post will be any better, but my frustration and need to connect once again has overridden my internal quality control monitor.)

Health issues, both physical and mental, have plagued me and at several times have beaten me down to a point where some days getting dressed or showered has been a triumph. I am trying some new approaches which I hope will help me feel better and, fighting my realistic/fatalistic streak every day, I remind myself of the rewards to be gained from the changes, rather than dwell on how difficult they are to carry out. I have even, my lovely readers, made a chart that is stuck on my fridge! How very “self helpy” can you get?!

There have been days of wonderful positivity where I have wanted nothing more than to open my MacBook and write about all the good things I have in my life – a husband who is also my best friend, who knows all my darkest, ugliest secrets and loves me anyway, who makes me laugh til I cry, two beautiful dogs that bring me so much joy, a secure home to live in, enough money to always go to the ATM and not feel anxious, a garden built by myself and the OH which is peaceful and soul enriching to sit in… but I have not done so for fear of almost cursing my good fortune.

As for my fiction blog and my amateur photography, well, I have simply been feeling about as inspired as a used teabag. Walking used to be my therapy; ideas would come to me as I wandered through town, watching people and places, but I haven’t been out of the house much at all for quite a while, again for several reasons. Part of my new approach is to change this but it is proving more challenging than I thought it would be.

I read writing memes such as #Wicked Wednesday and #Kink of the Week but am left empty and frustrated at my complete writers block. I have entered the wonderful #Sinful Sunday, but only for the prompt weeks as I find right now I really need a push to produce anything.

Given my physical and mental health, I must admit that feeling sexy or sexual has been totally at the bottom of my list for a while now, which given that I am supposedly, (or at least, I once was), a sex blogger, is unhelpful to say the least.

I know it is a long process – lord, I have lived through 40-odd years of the fucking process. It is such a challenge to not get exhausted by it, by the fact that it never seems to have an end date in sight. They, whoever they are, say it’s not the destination that matters but the journey… easy to say when there is a sense that there is any realistic sense of ever reaching the destination, or when the journey is not constantly interrupted by obstacles and diversions. The OH, who I love more than anything, also has more than his fair share of stress and worry and believe me the only thing worse than one depressive is putting two together! He too had a run of bad luck healthwise this past year which has added to the stress and sense of fatigue.

I am hoping that by getting these, not so coherent, thoughts down today it will spur me on to return to writing.

I have found that blogging can be a two faced beast: recording how I feel can result in me reinforcing those feelings, and this is where the risk lies, depending on whether the feelings are positive or self-destructive.

Today I am feeling… ok. I have taken to playing positive music very loudly and it does help, although I am not sure the neighbours would agree.

Today is Friday and the weekend lies ahead and we plan on some serious rest time but I am hoping we will also get out walking, maybe even with my camera, maybe even lunch out.

As for writing… well, I will continue to look at prompts and memes and just hope that my voice comes back to me, (and as a certain quite dreadful writer puts it, “my inner goddess” finds her “salsa moves” again).

I feel a bit of a half person without her.

💋

Copyright, 2017, k1kat.com

All rights reserved.

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Word For Wednesday (W4W) #68


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This week’s word is

Ennui

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How I have been feeling and some explanation as to why my W4W is a day late!

I need distraction. I need stimulation. I need to be busy.

I need to not be so fucking meh!

Someone shake me? Slap me? Give me a kick up the arse!

I will try, my lovely friends, to remove my own head from where it is lodged far up my rectum soon and revert to being a cheerful, productive blogger… I really will try.

Peace out.

*drops the mike…

Ciao!

💋

Copyright, 2016, k1kat.com

All rights reserved.

Word For Wednesday (W4W) #55


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This week’s word is:

Blank.

I googled the antonym for creativity but could not find a suitable word to describe the utter void I feel lately in terms of writing, crafting, or basically doing anything other than vegging in front of the TV or tackling mundane daily tasks.

I have a compelling desire to create but I lack the drive or inspiration to actually do anything. I am at a loss for how to solve this issue. I worry that my blogs will wither and die if I cannot drag myself out of this slump I find myself in.

I would hate for that to happen. My blogs are my lifeline.

I have stuck been in a depression now for a while and am also struggling daily with a particular issue that I seem unable to conquer. In the words of my very wise friend Feli;

“You’re not going to pull out of your slump till you get proactive. And it doesn’t have to be this. But you need to find something good to do for yourself. And just do it. Stop thinking about it. Do. It.”

That’s tough love right there… that’s real friendship.

Can I? I don’t know. I know I’ve done if before, so it isn’t impossible, but…

Always but…

Ciao!

💋

Copyright, 2016, k1kat.com

All rights reserved.

Word For Wednesday (W4W) #44


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Everyone who reads my blogs knows my BFF is known to you all as Felicity Johns, a gifted writer who made the decision last week to delete her blog. I know she underestimates how much she will be missed and how much we all enjoyed her fiction and poetry.

I am going to use this post as an opportunity to tell her that if it wasn’t for her blog, The Dark Night Chronicles, we would never have met each other and for that reason alone I am very grateful she created it. Feli, you told me just the other day, (I will expand on this in another post soon), that I am a ‘lifetime’ person and you know what? so are you!

I love you sis and I look forward to whatever your next creative endeavour will be!


This week’s word is…

Felicity

I was searching for a W4W this morning and was toying with the word happiness so I searched for its definition only to be reminded that a synonym for happiness is… felicity!

I cannot think of a better nom de plume that my friend could have chosen.

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Her friendship is a constant source of happiness in my life and to say she has a “pleasing manner” with words is an understatement. Her ability to craft a beautiful sentence is indisputable.

I am sure I am not alone in wishing her a felicitous life as she moves forward.

Ciao!

💋

Copyright, 2015, k1kat.com

All rights reserved.

200th Post!


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Seems I have made it to 200 posts on this blog!

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I would like to say a mahoosive Thank You to every single one of you guys and gals that take the time to read my musings on life. I always try my best to make you laugh or make you consider a new perspective on something. I always try to entertain you or make you think. I hope I achieve my goals and that I continue to enjoy your company and readership as I continue my little blogging adventure!

I must say, I am still surprised and immensely flattered to think that any of you ever actually read my words, and your feedback is always most welcome and greatly appreciated.

How’s about, seeing as the day that’s in it,  I open this up?

Is there anything you’d like me to write about? Anything at all! I promise I will see if I can muster up an opinion or a cute anecdote related to it…

So… in celebration that my first tentative, clueless, baby steps into blogging, back in April 2014, have resulted in me connecting with such wonderful people as yourselves, branching out into erotic fiction and poetry and running my own weekly meme W4W will y’all join me as I dance around my kitchen?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GwjfUFyY6M

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Let’s see where the next 200 will take us!? You with me?

Ciao!

💋

Copyright, 2015, k1kat.com
All rights reserved.

Word for Wednesday (W4W) #28


Please do play along!

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This week’s word is…

Zymurgy

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As some of you who read my other blog may know, I began a series of stories entitled Heat a while ago and simply fell in love with the characters and what I think lies ahead for them. I realised that, rather than letting the story flow, I was beginning to get very bogged down in the ‘logistics’, for want of a better word. I was obsessed with making sure certain information details added up, which was proving difficult while writing each part of the story in isolation to the ‘bigger picture’ I had in my head of how it all would end. I made the decision to step away and continue the narrative outside of the blog, with the hope of making it into something more than just a series of stories, dare I say it… (gulp!) a novella.

I expected this decision would free my little creative soul to the extent that my fingers would become numb from all the typing I thought I would be doing, desperate to get Elsa and Bill’s story down once and for all…

Nope!

Instead I simply did nothing.

I struggled to come up with W4W, other erotica, any fiction at all really. I shut down.

I think this happens to any one who writes. We need that time to step back, just let things sit in the dark, fermenting away in our subconscious until they are ready to be taken back out and crafted into the final product.

This is where I am with Heat. After a month of zymurgy, I am ready to return to see what has bubbled to the surface.

This morning I took out four large A3 sheets of blank paper and, with my favourite green inked pen, begin tracing outlines, character developments, plot lines, conflicts etc. I have never taken this style of structured approach before and I am curious to see if I will find it beneficial or if it will cause me to freeze.

Either way, it is a first step and I’m excited to see where it leads.

After all Stephen King has been known to put down novels only to return to them years later and it hasn’t done him any harm at all!

I would love to hear from other writers as to whether they use the zymurgy method and how it works for them.

Ciao!

💋

Copyright, 2015, k1kat.com
All rights reserved.

Word for Wednesday (W4W) #17


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Today’s word is…

Time

I wrecked my head trying to define time without using the actual word… time! Think about it… right?!

So, I did what we all do: Google!

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And then I felt pretty dumb for not being able to define time without using the word time! Doh!

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Anyhoo…

Time is precious.

We never seem to have enough of it, right? At least I don’t.

And, annoyingly, as I never seem to have enough of it, I am very, very careless with the time I do have.

I waste sooooo much time!

Hang on… How do we ‘waste’ time? Is it really wasted? If we are doing something, whatever it is, is that actually time wasted? I spend far too much time online; either chatting on twitter, reading blogs, writing my blogs, or simply browsing through various websites, one of which, funnily enough, is called, I Waste So Much Time!

Why do I think of this as ‘wasted’ time?

Twitter is just me chatting to my friends; that isn’t wasted time!

Reading and writing blogs certainly isn’t wasted time… I read for pleasure and to become a better writer myself. I write to express my thoughts, opinions and to get some creative release.

Browsing on websites… hmmm, possibly that IS wasting time, but hey! they are funny or informative sites, so shoot me!

I guess, unless we are actively doing something productive or that we are paid for, we think of what we do as wasting time… which I think is being pretty hard on ourselves. I think we need to waste time sometimes, you know? It’s when we allow ourselves to chill out, recharge, be lazy. That’s necessary, in my opinion.

Sigh… I have a pile of ironing ahead of me, a meal to cook, cleaning to do… and I just want to stay writing, reading, chatting all day. I want to ‘waste’ my time today but I can’t. Those shirts need to be ironed, that meal needs to be prepared and the house needs cleaning.

Maybe I’ll try to get through it all super fast and enjoy more time wasting once I’ve done all my Domestic Goddess duties? Yeah! Better fuck off and get these chores done people!

Then I can waste all the time I want!

Ciao!

💋

Copyright, 2015, k1kat.com
All rights reserved.