Kat’s Eye #50 – Do Not Touch


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Everywhere I go these days I encounter a reindeer…

💋

Copyright, 2016, k1kat.com

All rights reserved.

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Love Yourself Challenge #16


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I am seriously struggling with this challenge and incredibly tempted to simply stop doing it. Today’s task is nigh on impossible for me. How do you write a note to yourself explaining why you are fabulous? How????

Ok here goes…

Dear me,

You have a fab sense of humour and a positive, (mostly), outlook on life – hence you are fab.

Will that do?

Ciao!

💋

Copyright, 2016, k1kat.com

All rights reserved.

Word for Wednesday (W4W) #29


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Play along here!

This week’s word is…

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Some of my favourites…

Hold me closer, Tony Danza (Elton John / Tiny Dancer)

Concrete jungle, wet dream, tomato (Alicia Keys & Jay Z / Empire State of Mind)

Blinded by the light, wrapped up like a douche when you’re rollin’ in the night (Manfred Mann’s Earth Band / Blinded By The Light)

Don’t go Jason waterfalls (TLC / Chasing Waterfalls)

My ears are alight (Desmond Dekker / Israelites)

Kickin’ your cat all over the place (Queen / We Will Rock You)

I’m a little man and I’m also evil, also into cats, also into cats (Fall Out Boy / This Ain’t A Scene. It’s an Arms Race.)

Calling Jamaica (R.E.M. / The Sidewinder Sleeps Tonight)

Dreams of war, dreams of lies, dreams of dragons fire, and a baked apple pie (Metallica / Enter Sandman)

She’s got electric boobs, a bowl of soup (Elton John / Bennie and The Jets)

And I just can’t seem to get it up (Depeche Mode / Just Can’t Get Enough)

With birds of shit it’s a lonely view (Red Hot Chilli Peppers / Scar Tissue)

I wanna love you, the bear said I can’t (Hootie and the Blowfish / Only Wanna Be With You)

I’m a lion, I’m a vinyl, I’m a skittle, I’m a beetle (Nirvana / Smells Like Teen Spirit)

My pony plays the mamba (Starship / We Built This City)

Just let me staple the vicar (Sister Sledge / We Are Family)

Your burgers are the best (Michael Jackson / You Are Not Alone)

I believe that the hot dogs go on (Celine Dion / The Heart Does Go On)

Check out Peter Kay’s routine about mondegreens!

Of course the word doesn’t just apply to song lyrics.

I will leave you with one of my all time favourite The Two Ronnies sketch… Enjoy!

Ciao!

💋

Copyright, 2015, k1kat.com
All rights reserved.

Word for Wednesday (W4W) #25


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Play along here.

This week’s word is…

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I can thank the very lovely icklebookie for bringing this word into my lexicon after she shared it on twitter this morning. I have been in a mild state of panic all week as I have been devoid of inspiration for a W4W post. I knew I had to post something… after all I can’t just opt out of my own meme!

So, when I saw this word I breathed a sigh of relief…

As it happens, I horbgorble quite a lot!

I find it is occurring more frequently as I get older.

I regularly find myself in a room with absolutely no clue as to why I went into it, standing there, hands on hips, perplexed expression on my face, thinking, “Why the fuck did I come in here?” Usually I leave and instantly recall the reason I was there and go back to retrieve whatever thing I had been looking for or do whatever chore I had intended to do. So yes, I horbgorble around my house a lot.

What troubles me more is the fact that I often find myself in the centre of town with no conscious memory of actually walking in. I know the route backwards so I seem to arrive on autopilot. I daydream my way along the road and only at the traffic lights near the shopping centre do I ‘come to’ and return to the land of the living.

This concerns me, (and I dread to imagine the OH’s face when he reads this!), because I realise I pay very little attention to my surroundings as I am walking. I could be run over by a truck and only realise it when I, hopefully, wake up in hospital.

Note to self: quit horbgorbling around town! Pay attention!

But those examples are of unintentional horbgorbling.

I think the word is better used to describe an activity deliberately carried out, yeah? I do enjoy an afternoon of aimless wandering around town, especially with the OH, with no pressure to be anywhere or do anything, no plans, just seeing where the day, and our feet, take us. (To be honest, it frequently takes us to the gelateria where I end up messily eating a mint chic chip waffle cone while he neatly licks a stracciatella one.)

So, are there any other horbgorblers reading this?

Ciao!

💋

p.s. I do sincerely apologise for my piss-poor effort this week. I will definitely be back on form next week, I promise! If this is your first visit to W4W, trust me, it’s usually a bit better than this! 

Copyright, 2015, k1kat.com
All rights reserved.

30 Day Self Esteem Challenge 03


Day 3: A part of my personality I like

This one I find easier than the physical attributes of the past two days! At last!

I like quite a lot about my personality!

I think I’m funny, (I am, aren’t I?! Aren’t I????).

I’m thoughtful and kind to people. I always make time for others and put their needs before my own.

I like that I am not a judgemental person, a ‘live and let live’ type of person.

I like that I am creative, from writing to cooking, gardening, photography, crafting, I am always thinking about or doing something creative.

I like that I am curious… about everything! People, places, ideas, facts, I absorb knowledge like a little sponge. I ask questions constantly and am always looking for new or better ways to do things. I hope I’ll never stop learning.

Oh and I almost forgot… I’m incredibly modest and humble too! 😂

Ciao!

💋

Copyright, 2015, k1kat.com
All rights reserved.

This May Be TMI…!


When I began my quest to share my life, my experiences and my thoughts through this blog, I made a promise to myself and my readers that honesty and ‘realness’ would always be my top priority. I believe people relate to real life, they can smell falseness as easily as they could a burst sewage pipe.

I have been fortunate enough to have received many comments from my lovely followers saying they have identified with things I have written about, whether it was a funny piece about my dogs or my pet peeves, or more personal, serious pieces about my depression and relationship. It gladdens my heart to know that my words have struck a chord with someone. I have made real friendships as a result of some conversations sparked by a comment left by a reader on WP or Twitter.

So… in the spirit of entertaining you and ‘keeping it real, man’, I present to you todays silly story from my life… in all its ridiculous, humiliating and T.M.I. glory.

I hope it makes y’all smile!

The letter arrived… the letter surely all women dread. The smear test is due.

I know of no woman who is happy about making this particular appointment, but it is a necessary evil. A few minutes of discomfort and embarrassment is favourable to the possibility of an undetected cancer cell lurking deep inside.

Am I alone in making sure that I am ‘presentable’ for my appointment? I would never dream of rocking up unshowered, with my lady-garden untended to!

I wonder about the various shapes, sizes and styles of lady parts the nurse sees on a daily basis. I’m sure she encounters many groins she needs to search, ‘David Bellamy-style’, foraging through the undergrowth to reveal the hidden opening. Conversely, she is probably familiar with every possible intimate grooming style, ranging from completely bare, landing strips, patterns, vagazzle, dyed, pierced, tattooed… I am running out of ideas here, innocent that I am!

The day of my test arrived. I showered, (probably for longer than usual, to be honest!), ensured everything was neat and tidy and fit to be seen, put my pretty underwear on… oh yeah! I pull out all the stops!

Lying on the inspection table, naked from the waist down under a towel, (“how many other pubic areas has this been draped over?” I ponder uncomfortably), I engage the nurse in casual chitchat to break the awkwardness of the moment. She is friendly and I start to relax.

She lifts the towel, instructs me to assume the position, adjusts her spotlight, shining it directly up between my spread-eagled legs, and peers at me. I blink and keep my eyes locked on the ceiling. I hear her rip open the plastic cover of the speculum and, from the corner of my eye, see her apply a generous blob of KY Jelly to it. She is back at the end of the table, her head dipped between my thighs, once again having a good old look.

“Oh!” (NOT a good exclamation to hear coming from someone at your nether regions during a pelvic exam), “Wow! You are very small aren’t you?” her head pops up to look at my face.

“Um… I don’t know… am I?” I stutter, feeling ever so slightly mortified.

“Oh yes!” she starting to sound a but excited now… “You’ll need a much smaller speculum,” and she trots off to find the super-small instrument.

Returning to her position between my legs, which are starting to feel cold and ache ever so slightly from being spread wide open for this delayed period of time.

Usually when they are in this position I am, how shall I say this? a tad more active!

She readjusts her spotlight, (“all the better to see you with my dear” …no, she didn’t actually say that), and begins the examination properly.

“Yes…. You REALLY are extraordinarily tiny! So very tiny…” she marvels, as if I am rare and exotic creature.

I lie there thinking, “Jesus! Can you stop?!”, “Should I say thank you for the compliment? Say I’ve never had any complaints? That the OH is a very lucky man?”

I feel the uncontrollable urge to giggle and bite my tongue to stifle it. This has developed into an awkward enough situation, without me howling like a hyena while she has her fingers on my fucking vulva…

It is finally over. She replaces the towel, (I’m still pretty concerned about the hygiene aspect of that), and attends to the paperwork of the test, sealing my contribution in a plastic tube.

“You will need to remember to say next time that you are so very small, ok?” she chirps.

As if I’ll ever forget this encounter!

Walking home, I make a mental note to inform the OH that he is indeed a lucky man… I’m honeymoon fresh!

Ciao!

💋

Copyright 2015, k1kat.com

All rights reserved.