In typical Irish melancholy style, and to provide some counterbalance to my last upbeat post about things that make me happy, I present a list of some of the things that piss me off…
Up to you!
Situation: I am trying to get into a shop.
Two women go through the door just ahead of me and abruptly stop dead.
They are now in the shop. Their mission appears to be accomplished.
I have no idea if they ever intend to actually leave the doorway and truly enter the shop.
I am left frustratedly hovering behind them as they chat, rummage through their bags, or allow their gaze to drift, slack-jawed, across the shop floor.
“Excuse me”, I say, my polite tone incongruous with the annoyance I feel inside. They shuffle an inch, maybe two, just enough for me to squeeze by.
Seriously, what is the deal with people who stop dead as soon as they pass the doorway? This is something I simply do not understand.
Slow packers in a queue
Situation: The woman ahead of me has paid for her groceries. In her own infinite wisdom she has opted to delay packing her purchases until the entire transaction is completed.
An impatient checkout operator begins to scan my items through.
I now am faced with the dilemma.
Do I act nonchalant and stay cool, calm, chilled?
Or do I give in to my fear of having my groceries stolen before my very eyes and rush ahead and try to salvage my purchases from being packed away by the woman next to me?
Panic wins, always.
I will add to this category people who, once they have finished their shopping transaction, remain chatting to the checkout operator as if this were a social gathering rather than a supermarket.
Is there not enough time to chat as the groceries are being scanned?
What morsel of extremely important information must you dawdle to share? Seriously, get your stuff and leave!
People who hit their kids in public
I cannot condone ever slapping, hitting or using any form of violence against any person or any animal. I do not understand why some people think it is ok to slap a child but agrees it is unacceptable to hit another adult.
Given my dislike for corporal punishment I get particularly angry with people who hit or scream at their children in public places. I can surely understand the frustration and embarrassment a parent must feel when their little bundle throws a tantrum, but publicly shaming and demeaning them will not make the situation any better.
A distressed, tired or frustrated child is not going to be calmed or quieted by adding more chaos to the situation in the form of violence or shouting.
I am picturing my readers now shaking their heads saying, “well she doesn’t have kids”.
True, but I can assure you I was once a kid, who was hit and shouted at, and to contradict many pro-slapping parents, it did me a great deal of harm.
Paying for parking
Situation: I am going to large shopping centre.
I intend to spend money there. Perhaps a lot of money.
How dare they charge me to park there!
The sheer cheek of this place to expect me to pay for the privilege to spend my hard earned money in their premises!
This particularly annoys me when it comes to the cinema, which already shamelessly fleeces customers with their insanely expensive tickets and don’t even get me started on the refreshments!
I walk fast.
I have somewhere to be.
I find dawdling frustrating, even when I’m out for a ‘stroll’ with the OH.
People who walk as if following a funeral hearse make me want to purchase a cattle prod and use it.
People who text as they walk, resulting in a slow, stumbling zombie shuffle are at increased risk of my cattle prod.
If you want to text, stop walking, pull over to the side of the pavement and text. Then walk, at a reasonable pace please.
That is all.
Inattentive shop assistants
Thankfully, since the recession has embraced Ireland in it’s icy grip, the scourge of this snooty species has been depleted.
There was a time, not so long ago, that upon entering a shop, the assistant would cast you a scornful glance and then studiously avoid eye contact with you.
God forbid you needed help or dared to ask a question. Then you would receive the slow eye roll and sigh as they begrudgingly turned in your direction.
Alternatively there were the assistants who insisted on staying on the phone chatting, rather than serve you. You had to stand there at the counter with your desired purchase and cash in your sweaty little hand and endure being completely ignored, oftentimes as they continued to maintain eye contact with you, just to rub it in.
But as I say, the recession has seen an end to this rude behavior. Pressure to hold on to a job has resulted in better customer service. These days shop assistants actually talk to you and, wait for it, say, “have a good day”, at the end of the encounter.
Sky box fails
I love Sky +.
I love that I can record entire series at the touch of a button.
Pausing live TV? Brilliant idea!
I love to stockpile some of my favourite shows to binge watch. I am at a loss to express my dismay when I access my menu only to be greeted by the dreaded words, “incomplete recording”.
Why Sky box would you let me down so badly!
All I want is to watch my programme!
The frustration is unbearable.
Damn you Sky box!
Bad dog parents
I adore my dog Lily.
She is treated as a vital part of the family.
Due to her sensitive stomach, I regularly cook up an enormous stinky concoction of ,(vet approved), fresh food for her, which I portion out and freeze.
She is groomed daily, and visits her professional groomer for a trim as often as I go to my hairdressers.
On the whole, she has a pretty amazing life here.
I take her for her daily walk and observe other dog parents. It breaks my heart to see lovely little dogs with matted dirty fur and clogged up sticky eyes. It leaves me wondering why these people have a dog if they are not willing to care for it correctly?
However it is the irresponsible dog parents that madden me most. They walk their dog, allowing it to relieve itself on public paths and pavements and merrily continue on their way leaving behind a large, stinking pile of dog mess. Have they never heard of poop bags? Do they consider themselves above picking up after their pooches? Perhaps they think my neighbourhood is their own personal latrine?
The reason for their laziness/disregard for others is irrelevant.
The fact remains that it is unhygienic, dangerous and simply selfish to not clean up after your dog on a walk.
How would they like it if I turned up to their house, dropped my pants and took a massive shit on their carpet I wonder?
Dog parents… bring along your poop bags and use them! 💩
I invite you all to consider this a safe place to vent your fury at the little niggles in life that make your blood boil.