30 Day Self Esteem Challenge 08


Day 8: The last time you smiled when someone complimented you.  What was the compliment and why did you smile?

Well, the OH is lovely enough to tell me daily that he thinks I’m beautiful… not that I believe it!

Yesterday I was having one of those days… you know, feeling fat, frumpy, ugly and just plain gross. So, naturally, I did what we all do these days; I announced it to Twitter.

I left the house to run some errands and on my return found so  many replies to my tweet, telling me I am “beautiful/wonderful/gorgeous/stupendous/lovely/etc/etc” which made me smile.

I wasn’t smiling because my friends thought those things about me… after all they are hardly likely to reply, “Yeah! You are gross Kat!”

I was touched that so many of them took time out of their day to try to cheer me up and make me feel better about myself. I felt that people cared about me and my well-being and what more can any of us ask for than that? To matter to people…

I am still feeling gross today. A demoralising shopping trip to buy a new bra certainly didn’t help my body image issues. But yesterday, for a short while, reading the lovely supportive comments from my friends, I smiled.

If any of them are reading this… thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Your kindness meant so much to me.

Ciao!

💋

Copyright, 2015, k1kat.com
All rights reserved.

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Word For Wednesday (W4) #05


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Another post for the W4W event!

If anyone needs to recap the rules, simply click W4W!

Come on! Join in!

Today’s word is…

Twitter!

It is safe to say that I live on twitter! My eyes open in the morning and, hangs head in shame, before I so much as pet the dogs or turn to the OH, I turn on my iPad and check in.

I am addicted. Simple as that!

five-stages-of-twitter-usage

I tried once to do a week detox… I lasted one day! One day!

For me, twitter is my lifeline to the outside world. I don’t work outside the house, so I have very limited social contact with anyone. If I didn’t have my friends on twitter I think I would lose my mind, pretty fast!

I enjoy all my silly random chats, deep and meaningful conversations, flirtations…

I do truly count many of the people I follow on twitter to be real friends. I know all about their lives, relationships, children, pets, hobbies, work. They know all about me in return. Thank fuck for DM!

A few of these friends have become even more ‘real’ and we have taken the next step of talking over Skype, which is probably, apart from twitter, my favourite invention of recent years! To be able to see and talk to your friends is a joy.

When we do Skype, my friends and I tend to talk for a minimum of two hours, and three has been known to happen!  We never seem to run out of things to talk about. Then, when we end the call, it almost 100% guaranteed that we will continue to chat on our TLs or in DMs.

It has its negative side; the trolls, the haters, the spammers, the bots, the sex pests, the unsolicited dick pics… But I value it so much to not allow that turn me off. A simple click on Unfollow or Block and its all over and done with.

I love the fact that celebrities interact with us mere mortals too! I have had flirty and funny chats with the actor Michael Rooker, (he is a doll!). I got two DMs from my favourite The Walking Dead actor, Norman Reedus, and chatted with his Boondock Saints costar, Sean Patrick Flannery. I have chatted with other TWD cast members a few times too.

So, really, I can say I am ‘friends’ with people in high places! 😂

I very much hope that these friendships will remain in my life, and there are a handful of people I really, really want to meet up with ‘in real life’ one day, if it is ever possible.

If you are on twitter stop by and say hi to me! Maybe we will become friends too! @Kats_my_Name__

 

Please link back to me if you do your own W4W as I love reading them!

Ciao!

💋
Copyright, 2015, k1kat.com
All rights reserved.

Taking Care Of KittyKat…


I have been very open about my depression on this blog. But, I also live with a pretty serious-as-all-fuck medical condition, which I am not ready to share with you guys and gals yet, if ever.

Don’t worry people, I’ll survive… I hope! (sorry, dark humour!)

Part of my condition is that stress, emotional highs, emotional lows, over-excitement or tension all can leave me completely drained, physically, mentally and emotionally.

I have been sharing too much of myself for a while now. Spreading myself too thin. Offering way too much of myself to people. Not keeping enough back for just me.

My overwhelming desire to be there for people and to listen and help them has resulted in me coming to the realisation that I have actually been damaging myself.

(Don’t misunderstand me. I’m no saint! I can have my mean moments too, and it is entirely my responsibility to look after myself. The people who I listened to and talked to are not to blame for my downturn. At all. They reached out and it was my choice to respond. I just responded too much and gave too much. If that even makes sense…)

I love listening to people. I love helping them. It is my default position to step up and offer support and a shoulder to anyone who calls out for it. It is why I studied psychology and became a counselor and educator.

It is why I DM entirely too much on twitter and have made very close friendships as a result, (hi girls! you know who you are!).

However, of late I have been counselling, (for want of a better word), several people via DM and messaging and I have found that I can offer no more. I became physically, entirely fatigued and drained. My head was a mess. Concentration and focus was a struggle.

I wondered why I was feeling so awful. Then it dawned on me… too much interaction, too much emotion, too much of everything.

I posted a tweet saying I was taking a twitter break and left.

I spent two days bingeing on Greys Anatomy, lying on the sofa with my two dogs.

Doing absolutely sweet fuck all.

It was sublime!

In the past, I would have beaten myself up over such self-perceived laziness and selfishness and, as a result, would have stressed myself out even further.

I have learned however, to accept that it is neither lazy nor selfish. It is basic self-care. I need to remove myself from overly emotional situations sometimes, take some space to allow myself to re-energise and reboot.

Watching silly, escapism TV shows, reading and listening to music are my saviours.

(And writing. Always writing. Welcome people, to my own little therapists couch!)

I play my playlist every day. Several times over.

There are songs there that cheer me up.

Songs that make me dance.

Songs that speak straight to my soul.

Two words… Ed Sheeran.

But the past couple of days have been music-less. I didn’t even have the energy for that.

Instead I lay and watched countless episodes of my guilty pleasure and allowed my brain to simply switch off.

Now? I am beginning to feel better. Physically, I need more rest, but I feel well enough to organize my thoughts and attempt to update this blog, which I feel I have neglected of late.

Anyone reading this who follows me on twitter, I do hope you are not ever scared to call on me for help or a listening ear after reading this. As I said, it is in my nature to be there for people. Just allow me to be the judge of whether I have the headspace and energy and, never, ever, feel bad about shouting out for a shoulder.

I simply didn’t take enough care of myself recently. My bad, not yours!

So, I am off to watch another few episodes and chill out.

I will be back to twitter, in time… please come chat with me when I come back!

Ciao people!

💋

p.s. I’m back listening to my music!

enjoy… 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8cADX87-2I

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kR-BPVSqZqk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48qwvBkpw1g

 Copyright, 2014, k1kat.wordpress.com

All rights reserved.

So I am a slut now???


FullSizeRenderSo… today I got called a slut on twitter.

An “attention seeking slut” to be exact.

I felt this remark like a punch straight to my stomach.

I was shocked and hurt.

It hurt even more because another woman had tweeted it…

First of all, I detest the word slut, and everything it represents – misogyny, shame, double standards, judgment, ignorance.

Secondly, I would NEVER call another woman a slut, whore, tramp or any other derogatory word that places judgment on her for simply being a sexual creature.

So what did I do to deserve this label?

I will never know for sure, because she unfollowed and blocked me, on twitter and Instagram. So basically, I am dead to her!

I had spent part of yesterday having an enjoyable chat with another person this woman followed and I tweeted him a link to my erotica blogs.

I can only speculate that perhaps that was one step too far in her eyes…

How dare I seek attention in such a way? And with a guy she was friends with? How outrageous of me!

(She then blocked this lovely guy also, much to his disappointment…)

I discovered later that, apparently, she has always felt threatened by me and my confidence and approachable style of interacting.

That is fair enough I guess, but why not discuss this with me?

Or simply unfollow me.

That’s the beauty of twitter…. No one is forced to interact with anyone else if they don’t want to.

But, to label me a slut, simply because I see no problem admitting I love sex?

Because I write some erotic stories?

Because my stories have a bit of kink to them?

Because I flirt on twitter?

Cooooooome on!

I am an adult woman, who has experienced enough shit in my life to have at last grown into being comfortable in my own skin.

After years of fear and hiding my true self, I have finally accepted that I am sexual… so what? We all are!

FullSizeRender

My writing has helped me to discover parts of myself I was scared to fully and openly explore before. I have connected with amazing people who are on a similar journey as myself, exploring their sexuality and their true, core selves. I feel profound gratitude that I have met these new friends, and if I could hug each one of you for helping me to accept that I have nothing to feel shame about, I would hug you guys so hard!

I have decided that this woman on twitter must be a deeply unhappy and, perhaps angry, person who deserves my sympathy rather than wrath.

Perhaps she will one day begin to look inwards, to try to figure out why she ever felt the need to be so unnecessarily hurtful and bitter toward a person who was never anything less than respectful and friendly towards her.

I make it my daily goal to leave whomever I encounter happier than before they met me.

I aim to spread some kindness and joy, always, never pain.

I compliment complete strangers in shops FFS!

I hurt if I suspect I have caused any other person discomfort.

I simply do not believe in judging people, because, who the hell am I to cast any critical eye over them or the way they chose to live their lives?

I do not know what burdens they may be carrying that cause them to be unpleasant or rude.

I prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt.

So, it is with a heavy heart that I share this account of my day with you.

My hope is that this perhaps makes you think before you say anything hurtful to someone, even someone you only know through social media.

Think twice; ask yourself how you would feel in their shoes?

How you would feel if someone called you or your special person that name?

Thanks for reading this…. In order to live up to my new monocle I will resume the filth very soon, I promise!

x

 Copyright 2014, illicitthoughts.wordpress.com

All rights reserved.

To Unfollow or Not To Unfollow… that is the question


I love Twitter.photo

I would even go so far as to say it has changed my life… for the better.

It so happens that the reason I started this blog was thanks to the encouraging words and advice from someone on twitter, who has become a much-valued friend. (If you are reading this Minna, once again, thank you!)

I live a fairly solitary existence, and twitter has brought so many kind, funny, inspiring and interesting people in to my life. It allows me to be the truly outgoing person I naturally am. It allows me to connect with other people, share life experiences, stories and jokes.  I log on each day looking forward to seeing what my friends are up to and how their lives are moving along.

I have been amazed by the warm-heartedness and generosity of people there. A few lovely souls were very quick to pick up on my low mood last month, and the level of concern and support they offered was genuinely touching.

I have discovered through DMs that people, who present publicly as carefree, often carry terrible burdens and unhappiness in their lives. It has made me more aware that no one, however happy they seem, escapes this life unscarred. I have felt privileged that they allowed me into their world, and honoured to be able to help them by simply listening or offering words of support and empathising with them.

However, as with everything in life, there are downsides to twitter.

The haters.    The trolls.    The subtweeteers.

Don’t get me started on the repeat RT offenders or spammers!

I have encountered nastiness and inappropriate behavior.  I follow relatively few men after some unpleasant encounters. The guys I do follow are funny and know when they are overstepping the mark. They are not out to deliberately hurt or cause offence.

It was with genuine regret that I unfollowed one lovely girl, who I did like, simply because of the sheer volume of porn she was posting everyday. My TL seemed to be clogged full of vaginas and boobs and I simply couldn’t take it anymore!

I have one ‘friend’, although it’s more accurate to call them a frenemy I think, who has created a dilemma for me for a while now.  Over time we have established a substantial list of mutual friends. At times this person is funny, interesting, and enjoyable to chat to. From very early days they revealed traits I disliked but decided to ignore, as on balance I liked them.  They can be cutting and can have a mean streak, which is something I don’t enjoy witnessing. There is a difference between poking fun, teasing and sarcasm and being nasty and cruel.  My philosophy in life is to leave people happier than they were before they met you.

By far my biggest gripe with them is how passive aggressive they can be.

(Yes, I am more than aware of the irony of me blogging criticism about an unnamed person being passive aggressive, thank you!)

My usual style would be to unfollow and carry on with my twitter life. However I feel this case is more complicated. I’m worried that our mutual friends will notice and inquire as to why I would do this. I dislike conflict to the extent that I would rather leave the status quo than risk a falling out with people.

I know I am acting childishly and cowardly. I should ‘man up’ and either discuss this with the person via DM, or unfollow and deal with the possible backlash.

I would be interested to hear your views on this matter.

Have you made frenemies in life or on social media?

How did you deal with them?

Do you think I am making a mountain out of a mole hill?

Ciao

💋